Jasmine Bullied at School: The Paradox of Tolerance in Islam & Psychology Today

Is Tolerance Silently Hurting Us?

We’re taught that patience is a virtue. Islam emphasizes endurance, self-control, and compassion. But when does endless tolerance stop empowering and start draining our confidence, peace, and sense of self?

This World Tolerance Day (November 16, 2025), Jasmine’s story offers a powerful lesson.

Her journey reveals the delicate balance between patience and self-protection, highlighting the Paradox of Tolerance in Islam & Psychology Today: virtue matters only when it doesn’t cost your dignity, mental health, or emotional well-being.

A Girl Got Bullied

When Tolerance Turns Into Emotional Harm to Children

Jasmine was a bright, diligent student, full of dreams and determination. Yet each day at school, a single boy turned her world into a nightmare. He mocked her, belittled her, and wove cruel jokes at her expense. Coming from a wealthy, influential family, the walls of authority seemed deaf to her pleas for help. No one dared to intervene, leaving Jasmine to face the storm alone. Her confidence slowly eroded under the weight of relentless humiliation.

At home, Jasmine’s family would repeatedly advise her:

“Just focus on your studies. Ignore his behavior. Tolerance is a good habit. You must tolerate it because your future is important.”

Trying her best to “tolerate” everything, Jasmine suppressed her emotions daily. But the constant bullying began to take a heavy toll. She started experiencing anxiety every morning before school. Some days, she fainted from fear and emotional stress. Slowly, her confidence, mental peace, and academic performance deteriorated.

Over time, Jasmine slipped into depression, fear, and chronic anxiety, eventually dropping out of school. A single, ignorant boy robbed society of a capable young girl.

Why Victims Bear the Weight of the Tolerance Paradox

Yet instead of treating the bully, all the pressure and therapy were placed on Jasmine, the one who was bullied.

There are countless victims whose lives are destroyed in schools while we continue to tell them to “tolerate” everything. But for how long, and at what cost? For her, tolerance turned into a burden rather than a virtue.

This problem doesn’t happen only in schools; it exists inside our own homes. Many families blindly support the rude or aggressive sibling simply because “that’s how he is,” while the quieter child is forced into silence.

Countless women face the same injustice after marriage, enduring emotional abuse, disrespect, and mistreatment in the name of patience and tolerance.

Why does society always protect the one who hurts others while expecting the victim to remain silent? How long must people suffer under the false idea that tolerance means strength? Excessive tolerance, whether in schools, homes, or marriages, becomes a silent weapon that destroys confidence, mental health, and identity.

Is Tolerance always Good, or Can it Sometimes Destroy a Person?

Allah Most High warns us:

"وَإِنَّ لِلَّذِينَ ظَلَمُواْ عَذَابٗا دُونَ ذَٰلِكَ وَلَٰكِنَّ أَكۡثَرَهُمۡ لَا يَعۡلَمُونَ“

"And for those who do wrong, there is a punishment besides that. But most of them know not.”

(Surah At-Tur 52:48)

Kanz-ul-Iman

To understand this verse, let us explore tolerance through philosophical, psychological, and Islamic perspectives.

What Is Tolerance Day?

Every year on 16 November, the world observes the International Day for Tolerance, which was declared by UNESCO in 1995. The goal is to promote equality, diversity, coexistence, and respect among all individuals, regardless of their beliefs, ethnicity, or background.

The word tolerance comes from Persian, while its Arabic root relates to “bearing a burden.” In essence, tolerance means:

• Controlling one’s emotional reaction,

• Responding with wisdom rather than anger,

• Understanding differing viewpoints without hostility.

  
  

The true purpose of Tolerance Day is to remind us that respecting differences creates social harmony. But there is another side to this concept that many people overlook: the Paradox of Tolerance.

Paradox of Tolerance: Can Tolerance Be Negative?

The paradox of tolerance is a philosophical concept that suggests that if a society tolerates intolerance, injustice, and harmful behavior without boundaries, then tolerance itself becomes compromised. Excessive tolerance allows harmful individuals to grow stronger, making society unsafe for innocent people.

In simple words, too much tolerance can become dangerous. When injustice is tolerated, victims become weaker, aggressors become more confident, society becomes unsafe, and mental health declines. This is exactly what happened to Jasmine.

Hadith About Bad People: Why Do Boundaries Matter?

Islam teaches tolerance, patience, and compassion. But Islam never instructs believers to tolerate injustice, harm, or oppression.

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

“When people see a wrongdoer and do not stop him, soon Allah will send punishment upon all of them.”

(Abu Dawood, Tirmidhi, Nasa’i, Ibn Majah, Ahmad)

This hadith makes it clear:

• Tolerating injustice is not righteousness.

• Stopping oppression is a collective responsibility.

• Remaining silent empowers the oppressor.

  
  

Click to read Rohaan’s Journey: Childhood Trauma and a Toxic Uncle and discover lessons from the Paradox of Tolerance in Islam & Psychology Today.

Zero tolerance for injustice, whether abuse, oppression, corruption, or violation of rights, is essential. Therefore, Islam supports wise and measured tolerance, not blind endurance, a principle highlighted in The Paradox of Tolerance in Islam & Psychology Today.

Paradox of Tolerance: Through a Psychological Lens

Modern psychology confirms that extreme tolerance, especially toward injustice or harmful behavior, can negatively impact mental health. When individuals continuously suppress their emotions, the brain activates stress responses, which over time can lead to:

• Depression

• Anxiety

• Fear

• Low self-worth

• Emotional exhaustion

• Trauma

  
  

Research shows that victims who are told to “just tolerate” abusive or bullying behavior often develop long-term psychological issues. Meanwhile, aggressors may grow stronger, more controlling, and even more harmful.

(Einarsen et al., Bullying and Harassment in the Workplace).

From a psychological, philosophical, and religious perspective, tolerance must have healthy boundaries. Enduring harmful behavior indefinitely is not a virtue; it can be destructive for both individuals and society.

Zero Tolerance Policy: Psychological and Social Perspective

In many schools, organizations, and communities, a Zero Tolerance Policy is implemented to prevent harmful behavior from escalating. Zero tolerance becomes essential when:

• A student or a group bully another.

• Domestic violence occurs.

• Someone violates legal or moral boundaries.

• There is religious disrespect.

• The weak are exploited or harmed.

• The rights of widows, orphans, or workers are violated.

  
  

By enforcing zero tolerance, society avoids normalizing injustice and abuse.

The Importance of Tolerance

True tolerance reflects emotional strength and wisdom. Signs include:

1. Responding with wisdom instead of impulsive anger, staying calm but assertive.

2. Knowing your boundaries, not letting anyone cross your emotional, physical, or spiritual limits.

3. Standing for justice, tolerance is not accepting abuse; it protects fairness.

4. Speaking with firmness and kindness balances communication, avoiding aggression or silence.

5. Understanding the situation before reacting, choose the right response at the right time.

   
   

Healthy tolerance is conscious, not blind.

Click here for our detailed article on the Incident of Ifk and the Islamic concept of true tolerance.

Hadith from Prophet ﷺ on True Tolerance

The Prophet ﷺ said:

“The strong person is not the one who overcomes others in wrestling. The strong one is he who controls his temper when he is angry.”

(Sahih al-Bukhari, Kitab Al-Adab, Hadith 6114)

This emphasizes that true strength lies in controlling anger, a key principle in Islam.

Inner Peace in Islam: The Role of Tolerance

Inner peace in Islam is guided by:

• Sabr (Patience)

• Hikmah (Wisdom)

• Tawakkul (Trust in Allah)

  
  

Controlling negativity keeps the heart peaceful. A Qur’anic guiding principle states:

“And those who restrain anger and pardon people, and Allah loves the doers of good.”

Qur’an 3:134, Surah Aal-e-Imran

(Kanzul Iman translation)

This verse illustrates that tolerance in Islam is not a sign of weakness. Rather, it represents moral strength, encompassing the ability to control one’s anger, forgive others, and act with wisdom and kindness.

The Paradox of Tolerance in Islam & Psychology Today

• Value differences; don’t see them as threats. Diversity of thought, culture, and experience is natural and valuable. Avoid treating differences as hostility; true tolerance respects them.

• Recognize that every individual carries a unique story shaped by their personal experiences. Understanding these experiences fosters empathy, reduces judgment, and strengthens community bonds.

• Set and respect personal boundaries. Healthy boundaries protect emotional well-being. The Paradox of Tolerance in Islam & Psychology Today teaches that excessive tolerance without boundaries can silently harm individuals.

• Follow the Prophetic model of compassion and justice. Islam emphasizes that balance, patience, and mercy are virtues, but standing against injustice is equally important. Tolerance should never come at the cost of justice.

• Cultivate motivational and self-awareness. Emotional intelligence helps distinguish when patience nurtures peace versus when it becomes passive endurance. Maturity supports harmony without sacrificing dignity.

• Humanized understanding of the paradox. The paradox of tolerance in Islam & psychology today reminds us that unlimited tolerance toward harmful behavior can perpetuate injustice. By practicing informed, compassionate tolerance, society can uphold both kindness and justice.

  
  

Tolerance Day at School: Building Awareness in Children

Instilling tolerance in children is essential for building safe, inclusive, and positive learning environments where every child can thrive. Celebrating Tolerance Day at schools helps students develop empathy, reduce bullying, and understand the value of respect, fairness, and harmony. Importantly, it reinforces that tolerance does not mean accepting oppression or injustice.

Activities to Promote Tolerance in Schools:

• Role-Play Sessions – Students practice resolving conflicts peacefully and develop emotional intelligence.

• Storytelling Circles – Engaging stories teach kindness, empathy, and understanding diverse perspectives.

• Creative Art & Poster Making – Projects with themes like “Tolerance is Respect” encourage self-expression and awareness.

• Group Discussions – Open conversations where students learn to consider differing opinions without hostility.

  
  

By teaching empathy, social skills, and tolerance from an early age, schools can help prevent situations like what Jasmine experienced, ensuring children grow into compassionate, confident, and socially responsible adults.

Conclusion

International Tolerance Day reminds us that differences will always exist, but how we respond defines our character. Tolerance is essential for inner peace, emotional maturity, and social harmony. Yet, tolerance does not mean accepting injustice. Blind tolerance or silence in the face of oppression empowers the wrongdoer. True tolerance balances patience, justice, compassion, and boundaries. Jasmine’s story illustrates the lesson: stand for peace without sacrificing dignity, safety, or mental health.

Paradox of Tolerance: Common Questions Answered

Q1: Why is tolerance valued in Islam?

A: In Islam, tolerance is seen as a mark of inner strength, not weakness. The Qur’an (3:134, Surah Aal-e-Imran, Kanzul Iman) and the Hadith of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ teach the importance of controlling anger, forgiving others, and acting kindly, all while standing for justice.

Q2: How can parents teach tolerance at home?

A: Parents can lead by example through patience, fairness, and compassion, while encouraging children to express themselves safely and respect differences. Teaching tolerance early helps kids develop emotional intelligence, empathy, and social responsibility.

Q3: What are the psychological benefits of practicing tolerance?

A: Practicing tolerance can improve mental health, emotional resilience, and relationships. People who set boundaries and respond with patience experience less stress, reduced anger, and stronger social connections.

Q4: Why is teaching tolerance important for preventing bullying?

A: Learning tolerance early helps children recognize and stand against unfair behavior, reduce peer conflicts, and foster inclusive, safe environments in schools and communities.

Share your thoughts in the comments and spread the message of tolerance.

جزاكم الله خيرًا